For as long as I could remember I wanted to be a professional performer. Some of my earliest memories involve going to my first dance classes, playing acting games with my mom, singing with my dad... dreaming of being a star.
So, when I moved to New York City the *moment* I graduated high school to pursue my dreams, I always assumed I would NEVER be back. I would never live in my home town ever again.
I spent many amazing years in NYC, then made the leap to the west coast and lived an entire decade in Los Angeles - dreaming, working, auditioning, soaking in the sunshine, singing & playing music, being a professional and doing all the things I always wanted to do. It was awesome, every second of it (even the hard parts)
Then one day, after my husband and I spent the first year of our daughter's life on the other side of the country from the rest of our family, we made a decision to go back home.
When put like that, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but anyone who has ever moved somewhere to pursue something understands the weight of a decision like that. It felt... crazy. sad. confusing. exciting. bazzarre.
When you're in the middle of the LA "grind", working day in and day out on building your career one piece at a time, it seems insane to just abandon the structure you built.
The decision was the right one, though. It felt like all signs from the universe were pointing that way, and honestly, the day we made the decision I had never felt so free & happy...
But (and here is the part that makes me want to write this blog) I STILL had a hard time admitting to people around me what was really going on. I would say things like, "I'm moving back to the East Coast" allowing for the assumption that maybe I was moving back to NYC to put my cog back in that wheel... or maybe that's where my family was?
I kept things elusive, not going into too much detail about where we were going or where we were going to live. I was absolutely PETRIFIED that people would think I failed. That people would think I was "giving up", or that we were defeated.
Mostly, I think I was petrified that I would think that way about the move. Because you're not supposed to give up, right? If you love it you're supposed to sacrifice everything, the only way to ever "make it" is to just keep at it, never giving up, sacrificing everything, never giving up, sacrificing everything, never giving up....
But we decided we didn't want that anymore. It was a CHOICE, and I think it's a little sad that I was so afraid to own it.
Yes, I moved back home.
And you know what? It's FANTASTIC! I'm happy, I feel fulfilled, I feel free of the massive amount of pressure I put on myself while I was in LA, but I'm able to still appreciate and build on the experiences I had there.
There's a big difference now in the way I live my life. I want the best of both worlds. I'm near my family for the first time in decades, my daughter it thriving with all the love surrounding her, my husband and I are happy & pursuing new goals we have....
And I'm also still doing what I do! I'm singing (and getting paid) more now than in my entire time in LA, I have 3 agents in various markets, auditioning, working on film projects, and continuing to pursue acting and singing opportunities that I think are right for me.
I have always loved this industry, and always believed in myself. I know that I could go all-in again, never giving up, sacrificing everything....
I just don't want to.
To check out my video "How to Survive a Move Back Home" on my YouTube Channel, #TipsofTheTrade, Click HERE